I Can't

Continuing with the parental desperation theme I've got going...

We thought Emily might have broken her foot on Monday. It was swollen, she couldn't walk on it, and to top it off, she's supposed to go to camp tomorrow. A trip to the urgent care center later, we find out that it's not broken, that she is in fact, just a big weenie.

Is that any way to talk about a 6-year-old? Maybe not, but for the first time I've found myself really and truly disappointed in her. Not for hurting her foot, hey it happens. And not for going to the ER, better safe than sorry. But because of her refusal the last three days to even try to walk on it.

Attempts at walking quickly unravel into tears and frustrated parents. With her screaming "Nooooooo, I can't do it!" when she hadn't even tried, hell she never even put weight on it.

Now I'm not against resting an injury, or taking it easy and letting yourself heal. I am very much against setting yourself up for failure and saying "I can't". Is it wrong that it bothers me even more that she's a girl saying that?

I spent all of Wednesday ignoring her because I was furious about the whole thing. Which, I think actually worked, she finally started to hobble along. Not the best parenting moment, but still...

God, and I see parents fussing about schedules, naps, and whether the baby food is organic. Come on. This baby thing is a walk in the park compared to what lies ahead. I just hope she can make it to 18 without too much damage.

PS: That picture is actually from a year ago... but it gives quite a good image eh? And that particular fit was about shoes if I recall...

Maybe someone should have asked Violet...

I've started working again, from home primarily. That's pretty lucky I guess since when I returned home from a meeting this morning, Ian dashed out of the house, baby in hand, asking "Can we take her back?!".

She's followed the tradition of her siblings in refusing a bottle. Despite my efforts to pump, manually no less, a small supply of nice milk for her in my absence, she refuses to take it from a bottle. And she's only 8 weeks old! Who are these easy-going children that go from breast to bottle with no problem?

My efforts to take on a role was not even considered for past generations, to teach our kids that their futures are not predetermined by their gender, to change society's view of a father's role, to go to my job and work to make this state a better place for our kids to grow up in, these are all lofty goals. But they're pretty meaningless if we can't even get over this first speed bump.

Sparkle

I love that Will just sparkles. he may, at times, be more stubborn, scream louder, and make bigger messes, but he just loves so deeply and is filled with this passion to experience life, even with it's ups and downs, at it's fullest. One of my only wishes for him is that he never loses that

The Force

Emily is obsessed with favorites. Favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite Barbies... everything is categorized as "favorite" or "not favorite". She tries to drag me into the discussion, "Who is your favorite person in Star Wars?"

"I dunno hon, Obi Wan I guess."

"Hmmm, yeah I like him, but he's not my favorite. Padme is my favorite."

The girl that gets a costume change every time she's on screen? Shocking.

"Yeah, I like her the best, but I like Anakin too, why is his hair like that, how does he do that braid, and how come Darth Vader isn't in this one?"

"Uh, well, he sort of is, Anakin is Darth Vader, just not yet." I explain for the hundredth time.

Emily is just slightly obsessed with Star Wars right now, but not the classic ones, with Luke and Princess Leia and the cheesy but wonderful special effects and Han Solo's hilarious one-liners. No, Attack of the Clones is her favorite. With an animated Yoda twirling around fighting with a lightsaber, and the begining of Anakin's turn to the dark side.

I was watching with her last night, and Emily has this terrible habit of talking all the way through the movie, asking questions that would be answered by the movie itself if she would only pay attention.

It's also difficult to explain the nuances of a fictitious republic, protected by Jedi, and overtaken by the Chancellor, who also turns out to be the Sith Lord, oh and also the Emperor in the old movies. George Lucas said the movies were for kids, but man, I have a hard enough time keeping track of all of that and I have a degree in politics!

But I love that Emily likes Star Wars, even if it's the newer ones. I love watching it with her, some of my earliest memories were of watching Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewy on our very state-of-the-art Laser Disk Player. I love that it's this shared experience that all kids have, and then I wonder if Emily's kids would equate it to staring at cave paintings or something, or of George Lucas will keep re-releasing the original Star Wars until it's hardly even recognizable.

Allof this is a roundabout way of saying that Emily is growing up. In the blink of an eye she went from this little girl running around with pigtails and her Dora the Explorer backpack to this young person watching Star Wars, wearing her hair long, and always in her face, and going off to summer camp. More specifically, the summer camp, where I spent ten summers of my childhood, stomping through the woods, singing camp songs, and falling in love with every camp counselor because they just "got" us kids, you know?

And that's the thing. I know this camp, and I know what goes on there. I know she'll stay up late sharing secrets with her cabin mates, idolizing her counselors, and welling up with tears while singing solemn goodbye songs at council fire. I know what goes on there, and that's exactly why I want her to go, to make her own path, separate from us, from her family, from her school friends, and as the camp song says, watch the sunset turn the sky completely red, sleep beneath the moon and stars, a pine bough for your bed, sit and talk with friends, though a word is never said...

Am I nostoligic? Maybe a little, but mostly, I've reached a point where I don't want to cling to her little baby cheeks and sweet mispronouncings like "Spaket" and "Spiket", I want to get to know this very cool Star-Wars-loving-young-person she is becoming.