The Switch

It was both a hard decision and an easy one. While I've been with blogger for almost four years, I'm switching the blog over to wordpress. I just like their layout better. It's a little buggy, but I was able to get all my posts from my 3 blogs over there, so I have an actual archive! Yay.

Here it is:
New and Improved Obi Kate Kenobi
Happy reading.

A Perfect Circle

It was not a great day. I called my close friend this afternoon, I said, "Tell me again that I'm doing the right thing, working here". He reassured me, gave me some great words of wisdom, and I felt better. Sort of.

The members whom I serve, well they made a choice today that I didn't agree with. I didn't agree for personal reasons, but that I can live with. It was a bad decision for the association, made willfully by a handful of people who represent 25,000 other people.

So okay, I'm not saving lives. It's not fighting for civil rights, it's not fighting for any great or noble cause. But still...

I still can't seem to let it go.

A lot of days, I chill out by listening to A Perfect Circle on my headphones, today was definitely one of those days. This song especially seemed appropriate:

The Outsider

Help me if you can
It's just that this, this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please,

Help me understand why
You've given in to all these
Reckless dark desires

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this. Why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess. Why would I want to watch you.

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Kitty!

So I swore I'd never get a pet.... let alone a cat. But well...

His name is Little Mexico, and we fell in love with him at the Shelter yesterday, especially Will, who after we picked up Little Mexico from the vet today exclaimed "I wuuv em!".

Baby Kisses

Violet gives the best baby kisses. Okay well, maybe it's a three way tie, but oh man Violet's kisses are the cutest thing ever. She started out sort of leaning into you, but now it's progressed into a full-fledged smack on the lips, complete with the "Mmmmmaaa" kissing sound. I think I might just be overdosing on baby kisses, but I can't stop. Someone might have to stage an intervention... but I mean, well, look at this face!

Spring

I love spring. I'm always reminded of the years in Pullman, on the first warm day after a long, co0ld winter. When you look up at the sky and feel actual warmth from the sun on your face. I'm reminded of Western Washington springs, dragging the shorts out from the back of the closet and pairing them with fleece and sandals. I'm reminded of the last days with Will, then Violet in my belly, my back aching, and then bringing home a new baby in the sweet spring air.

I shocked Ian by cutting all my hair off yesterday. How many times now have I gone to the salon saying "Don't worry, it's just a trim" and as soon as I hit the salon chair face myself in that big mirror and decide, "Oh god, cut it off, cut it all off"? Probably every time.

I got Ian a barbecue for his birthday, and we're having Gabe over for dinner. I'm looking forward to many, many evenings out on our deck this summer.

It feels like having two toddlers in the house now. At times, I'm prying limbs off of me, trying to get an inch of personal space, and other times I'm clinging to Violet's babyhood before it slips through my fingers. She will probably be done nursing soon... I have mixed feelings about it. We've been able to keep it up despite my schedule, and I'm very glad for that, and I'll also be very glad to finally have my body back after what feels like 4 years. But she's our last baby, the last one.

Ian wrote about this man on his blog. I won't go into it much here, but it just broke my heart. William's kindness that day made me prouder than I have ever been. Taking the time to just touch someone, if only for a few minutes...we often think of philanthropy and grand gestures, but it's clear to me now that reaching out, without judgment or hesitation is one of the biggest things you can do, even if you are only two years old.

Dear Ian

It was just six years ago that I made you a cake that you didn't want. Looking back at the pictures of your young, happy face, I realize you did want it, the cake, everything. Now, two children and a million smiles later. Well we're older, if not wiser.

But through the years, I've come to understand that there is no one in this world I admire more than you. Your gentle strength, your calm, your kindness, I see what is best and most wonderful about you reflected every day in our children's eyes.

You are my best. Happy Birthday.
Love,
Kate

Mistaking the Forrest for the Trees

Emily's parent teacher conference was yesterday. While usually her teachers have glowing reviews, this one was, well not bad, but less glowing. Why does it bother me? Because the hang up was this "AR" test that Emily is supposed to have been doing. I guess it's a comprehension tests on books she's been reading at home at school. Seems simple enough, right? Well, apparently she's only done, something like 5 while the other kids have done 15 in the same amount of time. And I guess somehow we were supposed to telepathically know that this was supposed to have happened, because even on her report card that came home, it says "Emily has done 5 AR tests". I thought, super? No context whatsoever. To make things worse, the grading system? It's terrible. I asked what the symbols meant that were coming home on her papers, and was told that this weird S symbol with a plus and minus meant that she'd done fine, that a smiley face meant that she'd missed some. Well, of course it does. /rolls eyes.

Okay. So I can deal with the fact that despite Emily knowing all her sight words, getting all the answers right on comprehension tests at school, the implication was: she's not reading at home. Because apparently deducting from actual evidence is, I don't know, not possible. It's just that it couldn't be further from the truth. No, we don't time her or count books, or count pages, or chapters. I just refuse. We encourage her to read because reading is intrinsically good. Am I going about this wrong, because I really feel like we're not.

On the other hand I don't want my kids to be punished at school because we're not doing things the "right" way. I don't know. Teaching is a strange and mystifying world to me. Is it wrong to want my kids to love learning for the process, not the result? I'm just so frustrated.

Emily is such a kid still. So innocent and carefree. She gasps in amazement while we watched Harry Potter after she finished reading the first book last night (which she finished in less than a week, thank you). I like that she falls asleep on the weekends with her lights on and a book in her lap, still wearing her clothes. I like that we discuss politics at the dinner table and don't drill her on her math homework. I like that she knew which presidents were on currency before she understood the value of it.

Am I wrong to feel this way? I've said it before, all that baby stuff, it's cake. Fed? Check. Clean(ish) diaper? Check. Thinking, even for a moment, that if you get through the baby years, it's smooth sailing? It's better you batten down the hatches, we're headed for open water, and there's a hurricane on the horizon.